{"id":3840,"date":"2026-01-02T19:53:58","date_gmt":"2026-01-02T19:53:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/?p=3840"},"modified":"2026-01-02T19:53:58","modified_gmt":"2026-01-02T19:53:58","slug":"a-wife-comes-home-late-one-night","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/?p=3840","title":{"rendered":"A wife comes home late one night"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"127\" data-end=\"263\">A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the bedroom door.<br data-start=\"195\" data-end=\"198\" \/>Peeking under the blanket, she sees <strong data-start=\"234\" data-end=\"262\">four legs instead of two<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"265\" data-end=\"387\">Grabbing a baseball bat, she starts swinging wildly at the bed, then storms into the kitchen to calm herself with a drink.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"389\" data-end=\"449\">There she finds her husband, relaxed and reading a magazine.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"451\" data-end=\"559\">\u201cHi, darling,\u201d he says. \u201cYour parents came to visit, so I let them sleep in our bedroom. Did you say hello?\u201d<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"561\" data-end=\"564\" \/>\n<p data-start=\"566\" data-end=\"690\">An old man and his wife are lying in bed. After a few quiet moments, the old man lets out a fart and says,<br data-start=\"672\" data-end=\"675\" \/>\u201cSeven points.\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"692\" data-end=\"755\">His wife turns and asks, \u201cWhat on earth are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"757\" data-end=\"797\">\u201cI\u2019m playing fart football,\u201d he replies.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"799\" data-end=\"858\">A few minutes later, the wife farts. \u201cTouchdown! Tie game.\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"860\" data-end=\"927\">Soon after, the old man farts again. \u201cTouchdown! I\u2019m winning 14\u20137!\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"929\" data-end=\"989\">Annoyed, the wife fires back with another fart. \u201cTie score!\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"991\" data-end=\"1094\">Determined not to lose, the old man strains hard\u2014but instead of farting, he accidentally poops the bed.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1096\" data-end=\"1133\">\u201cWhat was that noise?\u201d the wife asks.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1135\" data-end=\"1200\">\u201cThat,\u201d he says calmly, \u201cwas the halftime whistle. Switch sides.\u201d<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"1202\" data-end=\"1205\" \/>\n<p data-start=\"1207\" data-end=\"1252\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\">\ud83d\ude02 Hope this made you smile\u2014have a great day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the bedroom door.Peeking under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of two. Grabbing a baseball bat, she starts swinging wildly at the bed, then storms into the kitchen to calm herself with a drink. There she finds her husband, relaxed and reading a magazine. &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3841,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/re2.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3840","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3840"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3840\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3842,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3840\/revisions\/3842"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3841"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3840"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3840"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifestorybuffering.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3840"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}