My Daughter-in-Law Cut Me Out of the Vacation for Not Babysitting — So I Taught Her a Lesson She Didn’t Expect

Joyce, first — good for you for recognizing that you’re a person in addition to being a grandmother ❤️.

What you’re describing isn’t really about Italy. It’s about expectations, autonomy, and respect.

Your son invited you on a family vacation. You imagined shared meals, sightseeing, laughter, maybe helping with the kids sometimes because that’s natural.
Your daughter-in-law imagined full-time unpaid childcare.

Those are two very different trips.

You were honest:

I want to travel, not work.

And instead of discussing compromises, she gave an ultimatum: don’t come.

So you solved the problem in a calm, adult way. You removed the obligation and paid your own way. That’s not dramatic — that’s independence.

Now the pressure is coming back wrapped in guilt:
“Grandmothers are expected to.”

But love given freely is beautiful.
Love demanded as labor feels like duty.

You are 68, retired, on a budget, and you deserve rest and discovery too.

Treating them like total strangers might protect you emotionally, but it could also harden things more than you want. There’s a middle ground:

✔️ Join a dinner here and there
✔️ Spend some time with the grandchildren if you choose
✔️ Keep your sightseeing plans sacred

You’re not refusing them — you’re refusing to disappear.

And no, you are not a bad grandmother.

A bad grandmother wouldn’t worry about this question at all.

If you want, I can also help you with phrases to politely but firmly shut down guilt during the trip.