I Refuse to Carry All Burdens in Our Marriage, Even Though My Husband Is Chronically Ill

I (39F) have been married to Jay (41M) for nearly 20 years. From the very beginning, I’ve been the one holding everything together. I work two jobs, pay all the bills, manage the house, and care for our autistic son.

Jay has a chronic illness, and I’ve always supported him. But over time, it stopped feeling like support—and started feeling like I was carrying everything alone. He doesn’t try. Any time I ask for help, I’m made to feel guilty for “not understanding.”

I’m exhausted. Completely burned out.

Last week, I hit my breaking point and called his mom, hoping she could help in some small way. She refused and told me, “It’s your duty as a wife.” That broke something in me.

So I told Jay the truth: if nothing changes, I’m leaving with our child. He can go stay with his mother.

He didn’t argue. He didn’t step up. He just sat there… and now he’s guilt-tripping me like I’m the problem.

But I’m done being the only one trying.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership—not one person carrying everyone else. And I’ve reached the point where I have to ask: how much is too much?

Because right now, it feels like I’ve already given everything I had.